“Hall” Monitor

Good Ole Boys … Gone Bad

GOBGB: “Good Ole Boys… Gone Bad” was a feature piece in The Independent from 2007 thru 2009 and occasionally online via Facebook at: Good Ole Boys Gone Bad

Originally published March 11, 2016

“What are you so engrossed in over there?” LeRoy announced himself.

His friend didn’t answer, staring intently at the computer screen in front of him.

LeRoy cleared his throat. He had been standing in the kitchen of Bubba’s little house for a while now.

Bubba jumped, startled by his friend and turned around – “HEY!, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

LeRoy asked again, “What on earth has you riveted to that screen? I have been standing here for almost 30 minutes and you haven’t budged an inch.”

“Well my friend Robert Miles came over the other day to take a shot at cleaning my carpets”, Bubba explained.

LeRoy listened intently to his good friend.

“I tell you what, he sure does pretty work – he got all the dirt out, he even got that old cranberry juice stain out of the throw rug in the kitchen” Bubba added.

LeRoy nodded, waiting patiently for his friend to finish.

“Anyhow,” Bubba continued, “he was showing me that internet on his phone. Telling me about all the stuff being posted online.”

LeRoy raised an eyebrow.

“Well it seems someone in the courthouse has appointed themselves ‘Hall’ monitor,” Bubba added with a wink and a nod.

LeRoy quizzed his friend, “what on earth do you mean by that?”

“Well you know, they’re spreading rumors about ‘Red’ not being in the office full time”, Bubba stated.

LeRoy eyed his friend, and with a curious look asked “Ok you got me there – WHO is ‘Red’?”

LeRoy knew his friend had a penchant for giving all the local elected officials nicknames, this particular one was a new one on him.

Bubba winked at his friend, “Ah, slipped one in on you, didn’t I? ‘Red’ is the lady that runs the Register of Deeds office over at the big house.”

LeRoy nodded, “OK, I’m with you now, you mean Mrs. Hall. Carry on with this tale of intrigue..”

Bubba started back on his story – “SO… SOMEONE over in the courthouse has it out for Red. They are spreading the rumor by what they call a ‘whisper’ campaign.”

LeRoy continued listening to his friend spin his tale.

“Scuttlebutt is that the source is right next door in the Clerk’s office,” Bubba noted and added, “it seems The Sergeant is gunnin’ for Red.”

LeRoy raised an eyebrow – “ok now this is getting interesting, I can see how you could get all engrossed in that computer screen.”

“Who is The Sergeant? I think I missed something here”, LeRoy quizzed his friend.

Bubba piped in with an irritated look on his face – “The Sergeant is The Clerk over in the courthouse.”

LeRoy eyed his friend and nodded as Bubba laughed – “yep, it appears that The Sergeant is mad because he feels Red’s husband – The ‘Gator – embarrassed his sister at one of the commish meetings last year.”

LeRoy was lost once again – “WHO is this ‘Gator person?” he polled his rotund friend.

Bubba responded, “well if you had been paying CLOSER attention, you would know that The ‘Gator is that Hall fella who serves on the commish board. Ya know, Reds husband? He used to be an Investigator with the Norfolk PO-lease.”

LeRoy nodded in acknowledgement, slowly putting the pieces of Bubba’s puzzle together in his mind – “so what does the Sergeant’s sister have to do with this?”

Bubba eyed his friend – “wow you really are in the dark, aren’t you? We need to get you on the internet so you can find out what’s going on.”

LeRoy chuckled – “OK so bring me up to speed on that one.”

Bubba noted, “The Sergeant’s sister is the one who runs that new animal shelter.”

Suddenly all the pieces clicked together in Leroy’s mind – “ok I get it now – clear as the sun breaking through the fog”, LeRoy stated.

LeRoy recounted, “So they spread the rumor that Mrs. Hall hasn’t been in the office, and that gets people all riled up?”

Bubba nodded, and chimed in, “because if they came around and said ‘her husband was mean to The Sergeants sister’ – that wouldn’t gain ANY traction with the voters.”

The pair nodded in unison

LeRoy, shaking his head, observed “You know, Robert does such a good job cleaning out the dirt, maybe he can clean up all the rumors and dirt being slung in the courthouse?”

“That’s a mighty big cleanup job, might bankrupt the county!” Bubba said with a wink and a grin.

The pair chuckled as they headed off to set the cabbage plants in the newly tilled field.

*** Next Episode : Our two worthies talk about the election ***