Good Ole Boys … Gone Bad
Originally published January 2006 – Our two worthies discuss the qualifications to run for Commish
LeRoy shifted on the icy cold seat in the duck blind. He made a mental note to bring an extra pair of long-johns on the next trip.
Bubba shot a glance at LeRoy, quickly placing a finger to his lips, making a shushing sound.
If there was one thing in this world Bubba took seriously, it was his duck hunting. LeRoy on the other hand, just dabbled in it – he took the sport no more to heart than he would fishing or any other outdoor activity.
If there was one thing in this world Bubba took seriously, it was his duck hunting. LeRoy on the other hand, just dabbled in it – he took the sport no more to heart than he would fishing or any other outdoor activity.
As the sun came up on the icy morning, it became evident to bothBubba and LeRoy that today was going to be a “bluebird day” – bright sunshine, warm temperatures, and calm winds.
Most definitely not a howling nor’easter, spitting rain, sleet and snow. That was the weather preferred by their feathered quarry.
LeRoy, leaned closer to Bubba, whispering “ya know,” he paused and continued, “I’ve been seriously considering running for commissioner this year.” On finishing the statement, he leaned back over, rubbing his hands together to warm them up.
Bubba sat silently, thinking to himself. After some quiet contemplation, he leaned over and asked, “how many suits do you own?”
LeRoy’s face knotted. “What the heck does the number of suits I own have to do with running for elected office?” Leroy inquired of his good friend.
Realizing that the ducks were not going to cooperate with their hunting plans, Bubba fully engaged his hunting partner, “Because, you can’t go get elected if you don’t have a closet full of good suits.”
“I don’t mean no cheap two-fer suits from those Norfolk tailors,” continued Bubba. “I’m talking about the finest suitcoat like those Raleigh Lawyers put on for court.”
LeRoy still didn’t understand his friend, and pressed the question.
“Haven’t you watched them meetings on the cable?” Bubba asked. “Them fellers are preened and primped up just like a flock of those Raleigh Lawyers.”
“I can see it now”, Bubba continued. “You go get yourself elected, and show up at the first meeting in your trousers and a flannel shirt. They’ll laugh you all the way back to the south end of the county.”
LeRoy pondered for a minute. Bubba was right, he thought. “You may have something there, I may not be able to afford being a commish.”
Bubba’s face lit up as an idea popped into his head. “I got it,” he exclaimed.
“We’ll get you elected, no worries. Then all you have to do when you get in is give yourself a payraise, and you’ll have the greenbacks to get you some finery.”
A look of surprise crossed LeRoy’s visage. “What makes you think they would approve a payraise for the board?” LeRoy added, “and what makes you think the citizens of our fine county would approve of that payraise.”
“Well that’s a no brainer! You stick that payraise in the budget where no one looks, and if anyone asks, tell em you need it for all the trips your takin’ to Raleigh, and all the time you’re spending.”
LeRoy thought that Bubba may be on to something here.
Bubba added, ”and surely, none of your fellow commissioners will complain, they’ll all vote for it and pat themselves on the back for passing a fine budget?”
LeRoy questioned the whole thing again. “I’m gonna run on a ‘transparent government’ platform. People need to know what their elected officials are up to.”
Bubba knotted his face up again, “damphool! We’ll never get you elected at this rate.”
LeRoy stared at his friend with a look of bewilderment, “Why do you say that?”
Bubba laughed, “You’re too darned honest to be a politician!”
- Next week – LeRoy asks Bubba to be his campaign manager
