Good Ole Boys … Gone Bad
(originally published in April 2014)
The hammer hit the roofing tack square in the head, driving it flush with the black oily roofing felt. He reached into the nail apron with his stubby hand, deftly extracting another tack. “Whack” – the hammer once again drove the nail in flush with the surface.
A vehicle slowed down on the two lane road, Bubba looked up in time to see a familiar pickup truck pull into the grassy driveway.
Opening the door, LeRoy climbs out and walks toward the structure, looking up shielding his eyes from the bright sunshine.
“Well good morning sunshine, what brings you by today?”, Bubba greeted his old friend.
LeRoy laughed, “Don’t let me interrupt progress, appears you’re actually getting some work done today.”
“Tell me about it, the first dry days in two months of Sundays, time to finish the roof on my Pole Tree Containment Facility”, Bubba stated with a wink.
“So, what’s on your mind today?” Bubba quizzed his friend.
LeRoy replied, “Well I came over to talk politics – playing Devil’s Advocate of a sort.”
“Of course you did, seems like everyone in Currituck and Facebook is doing these days”, Bubba observed.
LeRoy raised an eyebrow and responded, “Well it is that season – two times this year – ya know?”
Bubba nodded his head, and moved toward the ladder. LeRoy moved toward the ladder as well, to give his old friend a hand in extricating himself from his rooftop roost.
“Let’s go over here and sit in the shade so we can talk – grab you a drink out of the cooler over there”, Bubba motioned toward the battered old Coleman cooler.
LeRoy moved toward the cooler, reached inside, and fished out an ice cold Coke.
Bubba eyed his friends choice, “I tend to be a Pepsi man myself, but it appears we’re all out of those.” He grabbed a Dr. Pepper and the two head toward the old metal milk crates under the shed.
After the pair perched atop their respective crates, LeRoy asked “So what do you think about the sheriff’s race?”
Bubba eyed his friend and made a snorting sound, “You sure don’t play any games do you, cut RIGHT to the chase.”
“So you REALLY want to know? “ Bubba continued, “that’s the 64 thousand dollar question these days.”
LeRoy prompted – “of course, I want to know, I wouldn’t have asked, if I didn’t REALLY want to know.”
“Well you know ‘they’ say, ‘Never ask a question unless you know the answer.’”, said Bubba – making air quotes on the word THEY.
LeRoy smiled and replied, “Yes, I’ve heard that, but I’ve never really been able to pin-point who ‘THEY’ were.”
Bubba laughed at his friends witty response.
“Well I guess we should start out with the list of ‘the usual suspects’ as they say in the law enforcement vernacular”, Bubba continued.
LeRoys face cracked into a broad grin.
“You have Billy Long, Bob Durous and that Donnie Norrell fella”, Bubba began listing off names of candidates.
LeRoy listened intently as his friend reeled off the candidates names.
“So you have a three way race between the Republicans”, Bubba observed.
“Those three will duke it out to see who gets the ‘honor’ to face off with Sheriff Susan in the November election,” Bubba completed drawing a deep breath.
LeRoy nodded, and listened, occasionally taking a swig of his soda.
“I like to call Billy Long ‘The Trooper’”, Bubba started, “ ’cause he used to be one of the Highway Patrol’s finest. I’ll say he probably knows the law better than most in these parts, I think he made it up to rank of Sergeant ‘fore he retired”
LeRoy interjected, “doesn’t he live down-county?”
“Yes, he lives off Aydlett Road – between Aydlett and Poplar Branch – And a lotta people know him, so he’s got name recognition but otherwise he’s playing his cards close to the vest,” Bubba replied.
LeRoy listened intently – mentally taking notes, as his friend continued.
“Now a lotta folks thought at first that The Trooper was just running in that race to split the vote – drawing votes away from the other two – at least that’s what my sources told me,” Bubba added.
LeRoy nodded and piped up, “that has happened a few times ’round here before.”
“Sure has, more times than most can remember and usually not for the better,” Bubba winked.
“Then you have that Dur-OSE fella”, Bubba continued, “there’s not much history on him, other than he works with those folks at the end of Puddin’ Ridge Road up in Moyock.”
LeRoy interrupted, “oh you mean Academi?”
Bubba nodded, “yep, whatever they’re calling themselves this week. Anyway, that’s why I call him ‘The Operator’.
LeRoy laughed aloud while Bubba continued, “like I said, not much history on that fella – he stays on point, very business-like, and he has street creds.”
LeRoy nodded in agreement as his friend continued their stroll through the political wilderness.
“And then we come to NOR-EL, you know, our perennial contender – I call him CSI”, Bubba added with a chuckle.
LeRoy perked up, “and why’s that?”
Laughing out loud, Bubba continued, “seems he’s posted one of them videos on you tube. In the video it showed him taking finger prints from one of his campaign signs that was VANDALIZED”, said Bubba while making air quotes on the last word.
“It turns out, the sign was likely placed on private property and the property owner didn’t take a liking to it, so he had one of their employees lay the sign down on the ground”, Bubba finished.
LeRoy laughed at his friends revelation – “Where do you get this information?”
“I have my sources” Bubba said with a wink and a nod. “So that pretty much seals the deal – personally I think he’s been watching too many CSI marathons on TV.”
The pair laughed aloud in unison.
LeRoy chimed observed, “he sure does want to be sheriff awful bad, doesn’t he? This is like his second time running?
“Yep, I tell ya, he looks REAL good on paper, but ol’ CSI has more tainted baggage than a Columbian drug mule”, Bubba smiled and nodded.
LeRoy chuckled at his friend descriptive euphemism, “I’ve always wondered how you came up with these colorful nicknames? You really should write all this down and print a book someday.”
Bubba chuckled and winked again, “you know, that Snowden fella who used to write the paper here suggested that once. Have you been talking to him?”
Bubba brought the conversation back into focus, “I tell ya, that family has a penchant for writing letters – heck they’ll drop pen to paper or palms to keyboard at the blink of an eye! And send that letter off without a second thought.”
LeRoy nodded vigorously in agreement, “so I’ve heard AND seen.”
“Those letters have surely made the rounds and that’s the problem for ole CSI”, said Bubba.
LeRoy had a quizical look on his face.
Bubba explained, “you, I, most the locals and most of the people who were around for the ought ten elections know the history of CSI. But these folks that just moved here from where ever, they don’t have a clue,” Bubba finished his thought.
LeRoy nodded along, understanding where his friend was going.
“Like I said, the candidate may look darn good on paper”, Bubba continued, “and these new folks are all about change and voting for somebody just because they have an R or a D behind their name on the ballot.”
LeRoy smiled, nodding in agreement and listening.
“These candidates, they’ll tell you all about their grand achievements and awards and all the great things they’ve done”, Bubba observed, and continued, “but once you know the history behind some of ’em you really have to think twice.”
LeRoy busted out in laughter. The pair tipped up their soft drinks and headed off to finish Bubba’s roofing project.
As they walked away, Bubba shared, “my grandpappy used to say, ‘These politicians, they’re all running for office, chasing votes like chickens chasing bugs, and most of them are running from the truth!”
Next week : Politics as Usual
Copyright © 2006 – 2014 – John H Snowden, III
All rights reserved, all wrongs righted!
